低自尊性固执和依赖性焦虑

(泡泡特约)几天前遭遇了一位标准华裔Trump粉丝,在中国局域网内。华裔Trump粉丝分为很多种,其中一种来自中国政治反对者群体,其特征非常鲜明:他们的意识里有一个奇怪的等式“反对Trump=支持CCP”。这位网友给我的印象很深,原因在于他表现出中文网络上一个典型的交流特征--固执,也就是听不进对方任何观点,只是单纯的寻觅来自对方的、违背自己观点的字眼,然后反击。此间不断加强自身的正确性。

不论持什么立场,只要是中文网络,你就很容易遇到这类固执,只不过那些立场恰好与你一致的对方很难被发现他们的固执特点。

固执指的是一个人在非理性的基础上,拒绝改变自己对某事的观点或自己决定要做的事,并对此抱有一种强烈的、绝对的信念,不论这个观点或这件事是对还是错。它并不是执着,执着是有逻辑的、讲道理的、以事实为据坚持真理,固执则是在缺乏对逻辑、条件的充分考虑下,对某种观点或状态的过度坚持。

拒绝接受外界的观点或思考方式、拒绝被外在因素所改变,也就是自我隧道化。其结果是逐渐变成偏激,由于维护自己已经确立的观点,而不顾逻辑、常识和真相,这种状态非常容易被有意制造出来的假消息所吸引,也尤其钟情民粹政客的语话方式。

此前介绍过这类现象,主要是基于怎么办,本文反过来看这个问题,尝试分析其成因。

先说明一下,几乎没有人能做到永远不固执,但只在某些事情上或情境下表现固执,这是正常的。但本文所指的固执是一种人格特质、一种心理状态,其所有者在任何方面都表现固执,由于不会反思而几乎没有任何自我提升的可能性。这类情况在网络上非常常见,包括并不限于比如拿定主意反对一个人后不论这个人说什么都是错的,同时也是人们最常问的一句话的结论:“为什么这么多年了,这些人还是这个水平?”

低自尊性固执

固执者往往被误会为自尊心很强,其实不然,正相反有可能是缺乏自尊。当事人对自己的评价过低,认为自己会在对话中处于劣势,固执的姿态便成为了一种“武器”。

这也是为什么中文网络上低自尊性固执会高发。中国社会的教育、家庭环境、社交特征都在培养低自尊--“唯一正确答案”的应试教育,望子成龙望女成凤的家教,物质攀比的人情交易的社会关系。

低自尊的人常常对自我的品质和价值持有负面的信念,总觉得自己不如别人,示弱被认为是软肋外露的,于是他们有时也会因掩饰的需求而表现出过度自恋的假象

低自尊性固执者对外界抱有敌意,严重缺乏安全感,就像一个抱着枪才能睡着的孩子。尤其钟爱刺激性情绪,比如仇恨,很容易被这类情绪主导的语话所吸引。Trump或许很懂心理学和传播学,但也有可能根本不懂,而是仅仅认为自己的偏好/性格特征 具有很大的普遍性。

有足够安全感的人不难体会到外界的善意,这与注意力的集中点、如何解读他人传达的信息、如何为发生的事归因,都有关系。就如本文一开始提到的那位Trump粉丝,其实对话中我并没有明确自己的立场--支持还是反对Trump,只是告诉他“我是媒体人”,但就是这句话刺激到他了,因为Trump厌恶媒体,“媒体”二字在他眼中变成了一个靶子,继而开启了连珠炮。很明显他的注意力根本不在我的观点上,也就无从解读我的真实含义,甚至误会我介绍身份是一种“挑衅”。

低自尊和焦虑

低自尊问题往往不是个独立的心理问题,它会做为其他心理问题的外显症状之一而表现出来,比如焦虑性人格,这类患者很容易认为他人都是充满敌意的,觉得自己更容易受到来自外界的伤害。

焦虑性人格的心理状态很悲观,把一切都想得过于复杂和艰难,你一定熟悉部分中国反对者一直秉持的姿态式中心意识:“我们最惨” ,它已经引发了一系列谬误,包括并不限于对反抗难度的评估、与国际反抗氛围的格格不入,及对美国政府、达赖喇嘛尊者、威权和极权概念之区别等等问题的不同误解。它也可以被怀疑为焦虑所引发。

必须说,不同的人格/心理特质之所以能在人类进化过程中保存下来,即便他们不那么健康,是因为它们有用,焦虑性人格也一样,焦虑倾向的人会把危机放大,提前提出警告,避免了单纯的乐观盲目。

也必须说,它只能和相反人格特质者相结合,才有机会体现价值。而圈子化社交模式下,这些人格特质会高度集中,形成一种气氛、思考习惯和认知习惯,整体上非常容易导向偏执,从而错失良机。

焦虑和偏执

前几天中国网络上在传播一条来自王岐山讲话中的信息,他说的是“姑娘减肥、追求骨干美”的现象,我由此想到了自己接待过的两例厌食症患者,印象很深,于是就顺便介绍了一些这种单纯的由于被社会价值观所束缚而导致的心理疾病(社会价值观导致的心理问题有很多种,并不限于厌食症)。有趣的是,因为使用的是中文,在中国网络上张贴后有人怀疑我是“五毛”。

一开始非常惊讶,对一个很常见的心理问题的阐述怎么就变成五毛了呢?后来通过他人的解释才明白,对方是认为我对厌食症的解读“顺应了王岐山的观点”。于是这一状况就变得更好玩了。

它可以反过来看,那就是:只要从中共官员嘴里说出来的话、每一个字眼,全部不加思索的反对,就是立场坚定的反对者。也包括支持厌食症、支持减肥?这是不是有点可笑呢,它是一种偏执。其背景与对姿态的追求有关,其根源仍是上述提到过的焦虑问题--由于焦虑,高估反抗难度,包括误解和否定非暴力,认为事实性反抗“完全没可能”,于是只能专注于姿态,以此来保全形象和社群地位,继而便是对姿态的强调和扩大化理解。

很明显它存在于环境,焦虑中的人们凝聚在一起形成了一种二歧化的认知习惯:“你要么是我们的人、要么是我们的敌人”,没有第三选项。这样一来对“是不是我们的人”的判断就有了一套特别苛刻的标准,而且随着焦虑加深,这一标准会水涨船。继而形成偏执。

持续如此是无法形成联合的,且很容易加速各自的封闭,封闭后视野狭窄继而加倍焦虑,也就加倍偏执。

依赖性焦虑

非友即敌的逻辑同时会扩散为一种归属需求威胁:了解这一逻辑的人会加倍姿态化体现自己,“姿态化反对”便更快速成为了民主派群体的形象特征。

低自尊和依赖型人格的表现很大程度上是近似的,以至于曾经有较长一段时间在心理学研究领域里并不区分二者。它们的共同点包括:当事人对自我的评价比较低;被认同的需求程度很高;会选择伪装自己来讨好别人--包括将自己包装成社会价值观/环境价值观认可的形象、说一些违心的话等等;很介意自己在他人眼中“是什么样”;即便取得了很高的成绩/获取了很高的学历,也会怀疑自己会被他人看不起,总能找到他人看不起自己的理由(甚至是帮助他人寻找理由)。

最明显的一点是,很容易接受来自外界的一套标准,其中最强大的影响就来自社会价值观/环境价值观,低自尊和依赖型人格会把这些外来的标准认作是来自自己内心的,会下意识的用其来自我要求,当然也就很容易受骗了。

两者的不同在于,低自尊会反弹为外观自恋,而依赖型人格不会。这一程度上看,依赖型人格可包含在低自尊范围内。

对于依赖型人格来说焦虑是个常态,由于经常担心被群体抛弃,这样的人格特质会看起来在群体中表现活跃、非常善于吹捧他们认为是群体中把持权力的人,即便被对方明显忽视或排挤,也不会改变。

这只是说当事人仍处于某个群体内部时,如果被群体彻底抛弃了,会瞬间转粉为黑,或许是以此来掩饰尴尬。其原因也是当事人将“被抛弃的尴尬”强化理解了。很容易观察到的是,网络上那些热衷于圈子的人、疑似“职业聊天”(几乎全天在线)的网友、经常展示对群主的忠诚、只要群聊中出现纠纷便不见踪影的人(不参与任何纠纷,哪怕自己有明确的观点)……等等现象。

从低自尊到固执,从依赖到焦虑,从追求姿态到拒绝建议,其更深远的程度上都有恐惧这一心理背景打底,恐惧何在或许因人而异,也只有自己才能梳理清楚。

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